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[January 8, 2008]
[ mood | amada/loved ]

woow  so its been long! about a month or so...well more like 2 weeks and a half but still....anywho heres my update.....

soo since everyone knows, i work..i have a job at payless...and well thats where all my problems start...:/ 
i started almost a month ago...and well since then i havent been paid....coz they pay every second week...soo yea im not happy about that. i dont have time to go to church or spend time at home....and i mean during the day...i work 6 days a week full time aoo ...yea i dont even have time to sit here and do this,...im forcing myself to write today...even tho im tired and all...its ok. :) i do it coz i love you.♥
sooo other than that i have good news...

last friday God confirmed to me all that i prayed for...(personal things ofcoarse...not the only thing i pray for...im not selfish) lol
but last week i recieved my cute gift from mark. i was very happy...becvause with it camea  letter, and he finally told me that he liked me...yes i know 4 months later but it all makes sence in the end. i knew that i made a pact with my Father. I asked him and ensuerd that i was not gunna say anything about my feelings towards Mark until i was sure....and if he had told me 1st. soo Friday came and i was very blessed to know that he wrote to me a 3 page letter telling me that he loves me as a sister in Christ and soo many other things...( beautiful might i add♥) but that he saw me more than that.....more than a friend...more than a sister in Jesus :    
     "Yet there is one thing i have held from you, something that i havent told you as of yet seriously. Always asking Him, always with Him knowing what my heart desires for He is all-knowing. And now i write to you, or rather for you in confidence letting you know that i like you.
    I love you as my sister, but knwo that I'm attracted to you as more than my sister, that im attracted to the qualities that Christ (Jesus) has installed in you. As well i am attracted to the beautiful phisical features that God has blessed you with. If theres is one woman that i like, it is you. What this means and how our relationship changes, that is for God to decide. But i would never write to you and express my feelings if i didnt see it beaing something from God. I can only see good things coming from my relationship with you and i pray that God has put in your heart to feel that same way towarsas me."

soo there ya have it! we are going out...as of sunday we are "together"....its awsome...i couldnt be any more happier...well only if Christ came back...but im still waiting anxiously  for  that :) we wanna take everything slowly.....and so far its working....im still his bebita and he is my bebito ......and yea he relli likes me just as much as i like him...and I can see eachother together for eternity....till death do us part....but thats in the future.....for now...prayer and seeking more of God....and be the same individuals we were before this was said. :) we still Love God more than anything...more than us.....coz its all about giving Him the glory....and it is good. but yea...thats relli all....i know some day hes gunna read this and yea...i'll blush, he'll hug me...and it will be over...lol...im blushing as we speak! lol.....yea.....

anywho....for now...i know that God is taking care of that area....for now i worry aboiut my responsabilitoes and my desire to serve God with my all..... i cant wait till i can serve him fully! ill be happy...i wont have to work or be inviolved in secular...PAGAN!(insert me laughing) activities....only if it needs to done ...and if the need is jesus...to preach about him..im there......

heehehee....sumthing that the pastor said today reli impacted my life...and obviously it reminded me of a talk i had with mark the night before...he asked what i want....(for my future) and i told him....relli i want what he wants....i mean afterall thats why i love huim...coz he has what i want....he fits every description..and every category that i have in my list...(list is invisible...its in my heart♥) lol but i had to tell him what i wanted before i met him and now are included....the "extra" things that i want in the future....
 but i told him that i want my husband and i to serve God hand in hand....funny that the pastor shared the life of his grandparents for a brief moment...he described how his grandma dies on her knees praying to God...and his granpa....praising and worshiping the Lord...woow...but that they would go together and go from service to service serving and praising God....I WANT THAT!!!!!!  
i picture myself doing that.....growing old with my husband...(wich in this case is mark) and serve God fully! and to teach our children to be like that. and for them to be full of authority under the authority of the Lord.....i donno i see my self living that with mark....VISION.....i love it....and i cant wait to work towards the goal in that certain area...

so there ya go.....so far...im good.....i love the Lord more than anything and I love my bebito too...but yea....
i hope everyone is happy....im lad that i can share this area of my life....and talk freely about it.....coz i have nothing to hide....

anywho much love and kisses....GB♥

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Te Amo [December 25, 2007]
[ mood | pondering ]

    So its chritsmas...and im here....1:35am and i cant sleep....i havent felt soo....akward and alone (and i mean that phisically) in any of my christmas-es...i feel soo out of it...in every aspect....just this week in all..has been crazy....i have mixed up thoughts....emotions...signals....i mean arrrrgh i hate it when i get that feeling in the stomach.....as if i wanna throw up. and i donno its like high blodd pressure...or more like low ...i dont know...but i need to get that checked out....coz im getting worried about that. but anywho...just to make it more especific, ive talked to mark..and well..i donno i feel like the things he says he just says them out of the kindness of his heart even tho he disagrees...he tells me he loves me in another level....well if he were to tell me what i want to hear...then i would be happy...but i donno...i just doubt to much...even tho i shouldnt :/ 

soo onto the lighter side of this....he msg me this week and well...it was one of those days....
i facebooked him and asked him in spanish " alguien te ha dicho hoy que te quiere? porque yo te quiero mucho!!!"
soo when he looged on to msn i asked him how he was...he said he was thinking....i said about? and he replied...
"spanish on facebook that i cant translate fully ahhaaa" so i suggested to use an online translator....and well lets just say he had his own means.....so then he finally got it translated and when i asked what it came up to he put : "its means has someone told u today that they either like u or love you because i want you....a lot" all i could do was laugh and melt in my seat. and then he caps locked : I BELIEVE!......
woooooooooow! and yea...since then it has gone crazy....and yea i think ive become just a tad flirtier with him, and yea he makes me blush and he makes me smile....and yea ooh well i guess yea...and i finally told him that i loved him, and i finally gave him a kiss on the cheek (he probably didnt even notice that...btu ooh well..MEN! ) lol...and yea i think its awsome..i happy....and at the same time i feeel confuzzled...oh well....its all in God's hands right...?..right?...RIGHT!

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4 minutes and 56 seconds [December 7, 2007]
[ mood | singing again... ]

And just like that. Im happy again....he called in twice...just a couple of minutes ago...we talked for 4 minutes and 56 seconds....YEP. that was all...it was his lunch hour....and well he goes to subway all the time and gets the sub of the day...with lettuce, tomato, cucumbers, Green peppers, and EXTRA pickles....(eww pickles)
anywho soo yea he called me and said hola bonita, and so on and so forth and he even called me caliente!!!! (i notice such things...)*rolls eyes* lol
(hot in spanish for those that need the extra help) ;) so yea all he said come and see me...NOW! like right now! i said ummmm ok...what time?.....actually come next week! :) i have sumthing for you! :)

 *YEY** so yea im coming sumtime next weeek to get it. so yea im happy....just happy he called. even if it was for 4mins and 56 seconds. 


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[December 6, 2007]
[ mood | confused ]

 well day 2....thats 6 calls missed : /  
i almost felt like crying....dammn it! but i didnt...im just gunna roll up into a ball upstairs and go to sleep....i mean thats all i can do about that right? ooh well...i go now....dont miss me ;)

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missed call [December 5, 2007]
[ mood | blue ]

soo here goes my week update:
so far everything is good....yet i feel a bit  crapppy
 update...well he didnt call me last night...and today he was upset because I was the one that had to call him....soo we talked for sum time...but since we talk all the time on the phone, i thought that when he left he would say..."ok ill call you later tonite" or something along the lines but its 7:44pm and he already said good night and sweet dreams to me....and even though it shouldnt matter much, it did.....i felt like a fellow sister tells me, "a thousand knives driven to my eye" yeap. thats how it felt. I knew instantly what that meant. My head is already making up stories and ideas. I always fear that when a call isint beong made or at least planned....its all down hill from there. i feel like theres one missing call...then there will be a second, third, forth, and so on.....and then ....GONE!
no more calls,....words become alienated, looks are again normal, the hugs and the kisses transform into waves and hello's 

hearts are broken and the world is back to normal. thats how i feel...thats what i fear. one missed call.....

but i donno how i feel in the end.....i just need to go and pray


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[November 28, 2007]
[ mood | dorky ]


soo im back after a while!
and well i bring good and bad news! so yea i dont like the  fella...but now that i dont like him weird enough...he is has started to talk to me..and well now more than ever, he cant stop staring! lol i mean WTH!? i hate it when guys change their minds about sumthing!
for example these couple of months ive been crushing ! yea its hoprrible and i dont like it! his name is....well like a buddy and i called him...Ttullo. soo yea ive never met sumone as wonderful as him...and i mean he has all these quialities that i want in a....husband!! *gasps**
Yea i might be only 18 but i dont want to date evry guy until i find the right one.....instead i just go by what i feel in my heart..and so far....its crap! BUT this time it feels right...and he is different...he is wayyyyy to smart, he can make me smile or cry...and his friendship is just relli reli nice...its sweet...he is not prideful...he loves to make ppl feel loved. He makes me feel like a little kid! coz he acts like one..and the way he treats me....yea...he makes me wanna roll up into a ball..and melt. Coz he always welcomes me with a BIG kiss on the cheeck....well moe like alot of BIG kisses on the cheeck! lol and he always makes mean comments and when i go quiet..he says "awwwwwwwwww cristy!" and smushes my face together....and smiles! and then another BIg kiss...and then i blush...even tho im brown...and you cant rell im blushing..but i feel like im going purple...and just lightheaded..but at the same time im melting to the ground! 
can that happen!????????????????????????????
anyways, yea soo relli great guy.....and im falling  for him..the more i say "no i wont do that" to myself.....the more he calls me and acts and makes me smile from ear to ear.....ummm yea the more i say "i cant help it!" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
 soo in a way its good news and bad news.....bad news??? 

...........coz he just might like sumone else! yea im pretty afraid of that..and i dont know what to do : /  
and i feel horrible....i mean i feel like im 3rd place here....hahaha thats coz God is 1st! ;) then comes the rest :P
but yea anyways,today is his b-day..and i was talkin to him last night, just before 12am....and when i realized that it was 12:06 i told him happy b-day!...and then he says "yea thanks....hey gimmie asec coz come to think of it, Lizzy txtd me and i think she was the 1st one to tell me happy b-day"....................i flopped! i felt soooo ugh....i donno..like when you go on a rollercoster ride and it was going good but then you feel like throwing up..and the ride became your nightmare.....yea thats how i felt..my night was going great..and then he goes yea lizzy was 1st! but he said it in this tone..liek he was happy that she was 1st! grrrrrrrrrrrr

so yea i started thinkin after that...and come to think of it....he does mention her name quite a lot when we talk on the phone...yea lizz here liz there....ooh and lizzy lizzy lizzy lizzy lizzy!!!!!! i love the girl to bits but not when the guy that i like talks about her!
now i try to rebuke these thoughts but its just hard to put them aside.....

soo yea theres a bit of what i have been going thru these couple of months...or weeks..w/e!  lol


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